If you visit VI you know that I’m a G.I. Joe fan; official since the ’80s and the Hama reign. Over at BSC I tend not to do rumor posts. Not because I’m particularly against them or due to anything as weighty as integrity, but simply because there’s so much confirmed news that I never have to dip into the rumor cycle I literally could find a dozen more applicable news items without going into the maybe news, and we probably will remain unable to do so until we hire a news writer (which let me tell you, I can’t wait for!). Obviously, I think there’s great opportunity there, because people tend to like and react to What if? commentary, a lot of time even more than to the facts and done deals. One such bit of news that I ran across last month concerned the sequel to last year’s G.I. Joe live action film.

I want to say that I think the film was very much in the spirit of the product it was based on: ’80s children’s – mostly boys – toys. I’d quickly follow that up with I didn’t really care for the movie. The problem with a product that has attached to it a generation’s worth of nostalgia is that all those people are now adults, and while we may give a completely honest nod to Adam West and Burt Ward, today what we really want to see is Christian Bale kicking ass. I didn’t hate it – at least not to the degree of our own reviewer over at BSC (very funny review and worth a read) – but I’m not exactly excited about it or its potential legacy at all. This may sound odd, but as much as I rather dislike the Star Wars prequels, now that I’m several years passed them, I do view them in somewhat of a better different light. Don’t get me wrong on several fundamental levels I abhor them, but there is an indeliberate mawkish quality to them that I surmise may not be so different than how adults viewed the original films. I can tell you that both of my own parents think the original films were adolescent and ridiculous gibberish, and probably don’t even know the prequels even exist. I do think that Lucas was probably successful in insuring another generation is aware of and buying his product, something that has unfortunately (thus far) eluded the G.I. Joe brand.

I like Rachel Nichols more than the next guy…

Though not more than Christina Hendricks.

While the new toys action figures (check out the Pursuit of Cobra figures) are pretty badass, I’m not so sure we are going to see another ‘87, and it always seems that the fanmen are more excited than the kids. Which brings me to my main beef with the film. If you are going to purposely be stupid and aim for that lowest denominator, you better end up appealing to a young market that you can nurture and create a revenue stream from for a decade (until you have to try again when they themselves have kids). I can support that. I don’t think they’ve done that, but ultimately we’ll find out with upcoming sequel, and hopefully they can avoid what happened to The Mummy, which is an odd position be in since they (G.I. Joe) have such a rich mythos to pull from, where The Mummy really never should have gone beyond one (reasonably fun) movie (I will even admit that I liked the second movie, but the third is truly horrendous.)

Finally, I’m getting to the point of this post. Last month when talking to MTV, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (the writing duo for the sequel) let this drop when asked if the Crimson Twins – Tomax and Xamot – had a role in the upcoming film:

“Oh yeah, well–”

“I can’t say,”

“You may have just read it off my face but I can’t say.”

“Can’t say.”

Let’s not get it twisted, I love these cats, and the original figures were among the coolest toys ever. When you hit the aisle or opened the Christmas catalog and saw this two-figure package, shit was the hottest thing you ever saw.

Here is the rub. Not only is it this cool toy from the past, but it’s a concept  that can be utilized now in an awesome movie, the kind of which that I mentioned above. The kind I want to see today. Remember, these guys were the head of Extensive Enterprises and the Commanders of Crimson Guard. What EE actually was is (to my knowledge) has never been isolated, but this is the successful and (one of) legal front of COBRA and  a completely applicable antagonist to today’s world. Having trouble with a script? All you have to do is peep Mike Costa’s (my Comic Writer of the Year–yeah, I said it) work over at IDW (see my review of the first two issues of G.I. Joe: Cobra). He also probably wrote the single best comic book issue of the year, and it involved who? You got it…the Twins.

I’m kind of shuddering at the thought of  the over-the-top, live action, version of the Twins who reside in the universe and tone established in Rise of Cobra. It begins with wondering if they’d find actual  twins or just get one-person to play both roles. It ends when I try to think of identical twins ever working in a film that wasn’t porn.